OFFICE PEOPLE & THEIR BOUNDARIES

Is it me? There seems to be an unwritten, but thoroughly upheld, rule in offices that you do not--by any means--think it's okay to befriend someone who has not tried to befriend you. I have recently learned that smiles are all fine and good but many people react as if you say something to them, then you've overstepped a major boundary...especially if you are subordinate to them. The nerve. 

"How dare you take on an ounce of familiarity that was never offered to you? Oh wait! Perhaps you thought that because I walk past your desk and smile and say hello and good morning...perhaps you thought that because I have discussed my wedding plans...sports games...bar nights out...that you could tell me I look tired and to take care of myself. JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? You're just the Receptionist and yes, I can come and talk to you but don't you dare talk to me! Your job is to smile and nod. I'm offended. "

This is what happened, and I promise you, you can't make this stuff up! I'm packing it up for the day, elated that it is finally Friday and I can get back to the business of being myself and doing what is important to me without interruption; if only for two days. (So sad...I know.) A very good looking lawyer drags himself past the front desk, looking as if he might keel over from the massive burden on his back at any moment. He actually looks as if he has aged 20 years in a matter of weeks.  I was wondering if something is wrong with his back that wont let him stand straight anymore.  Now, mind you, his superior quit out of the clear blue sky about four months ago. Prior to that, this dark haired angel looking man walked with a straight back, sparkling eyes, and a glow around him that would have made those trapped miners feel like they were on top of a mountain instead of deep underground.  His smile was even sparkly. It was always a pleasure to see him.  

One could assume that the reason for the great energy and the glow was due to the fact that he is very much in love with his new wife, however, judging from the vast majority of men in the office who discuss their wives on a regular basis, I have to doubt that's it. I honestly think he was just happier. Period.  You see, this particular hedge fund that we work at has a way of breaking you down and stomping on you. And if you open your eyes while you're down there to see if that's all, they kick you in the guts and punch you a few more times until you are completely submissive and cloned.  Once the treatment is successful, they allow you to return to the front lines unprotected and unguarded.  Yes, you walk with a limp, but you're way more cautious of the company you keep behind enemy walls, and when you smell the dragon's hot breath, you retreat before he decides to feed on you.  Usually successful you watch as someone is publicly scoured and devoured.  You wince because you feel their pain but you smile a nervous smile too because you are secretly, guiltily happy that it's them and not you.  But I digress.

So Mr. Happy Good looking Lawyer guy drags by like a 75 year old man. The lights around him are dim. His knuckles are scraping the ground. His face is ashen and tired looking. Shocked and concerned I say, "Hey! You look tired. Make sure you take care of yourself." To which he replies, "That is one of the meanest things you could ever say to someone." Immediately I think of about a hundred more so more that would have anyone in tears and calling me satan's spawn behind my back but I say nothing. I wait for him to finish his miserable speil and assume that he must have just had his behind WHOOPED by his superiors and perhaps my timing was off as I was getting the back lash for caring.

My co-worker, the other Receptionist...let's call her Ida Rose...jumped in and supported me. She co-signed that he hasn't been looking like himself and boy you should have seen his face change when she said that.  He went through a few stages there. I thought he was going to attack us both but I guess he realized that this is a person he actually likes (I think I was mistaken to think I was favored as well...) because he began explaining that he had been out partying alot. Oh. Okay. So you look like an old dying man when you are 28 when you party too much. Dude. Seriously. You need to consider not partying ever again then. I'm just saying. But I'm not. I'm not ever saying anything else even remotely familiar to the lawyer formerly known as Mr. Happy Good Looking lawyer guy again.  He could turn blue and keel over right in front of my desk and I wouldn't say anything to him directly. I'd calmly and unenthusiastically ask the air around him, "Are you ok? Are you ok?" (Because you have to say that when you are CPR trained.) And I would dial 911. Any excitement or care...any energy or concern that I would have normally displayed was diminished when I offended him with my concern.

Office people and their weird boundaries. Trying to figure out what we can and cannot say to each other that is not offensive...and more interesting...who can say it.  Who has time for such mess? My Grandma always said, "When in doubt do/say nothing." That's pretty much where I'm at. So in my office I'll just smile and nod from now on...as if I am even listening.